dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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