I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I supernannyed him into submission
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
