Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
