how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
