haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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