Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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