Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
