Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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