Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
