I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize