I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
