In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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