i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
and i looked up. we had an audience...
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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