Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
