just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
