This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My underwear smells like fireworks.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
