My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
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she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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