Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
