Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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