i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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