one word: firstdatebathroomanal
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize