I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
