I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
