i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
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I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
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If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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