He told me they were just razor bumps!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
