but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
