can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
