you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize