Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
