Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
