He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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