so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i want to swaddle you in tequila
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
