Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
