Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
