why didn't you poke me back
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
