I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
