Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."