Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
