Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
