You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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