porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
