K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you inspire me to be a worse person
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
