so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
