Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
