I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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