I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
