Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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