Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
