You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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