I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
then he tried to convert me to islam
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
