You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
