I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
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he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
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We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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