i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
