you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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