idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
