Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
