apparently the secret to your success is patron
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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