tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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