toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
