I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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