2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
