Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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